The Leaving
by raesputin
Summary: "I'm not staying here". The words had left her mouth before she had time to consider them, panic rising like bile in her throat. "I can't" "Dora…" Remus began. The moments before they left for good.


"I'm not staying here". The words had left her mouth before she had time to consider them, panic rising like bile in her throat. "I can't"

"Dora…" Remus began.  
He would argue, she knew this. They had had the same argument nearly once a week for the last 10 months. She, wracked with guilt, would tell her husband that she could not stay put for a minute longer, that she couldn't, and indeed would not, stay in hiding whilst other people - whilst children!- died out on the field. He, weary with grief, would tell her that she had to stay hidden, for their unborn child… and for him.  
He would not make her promise, she knew this. He understood that she had been training for this battle since she was 18 years old under the careful gaze of Mad Eye Moody, understood that everything had been working up to this moment and that she could not sit idly by. It would do no good for either of them to die with broken promises.

But for now Teddy lay in the cradle beside the bed, Beautiful and healthy and vulnerable. Her eyes found his, tiny and brightest blue today, and ,for now, the fire was doused.

She could not leave her son.

"Come home" She whispered to Remus, reaching to wrap her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair and burying her head in the crook of his neck, inhaling the smell of him.

He said nothing. Knew, perhaps, that words were futile and could do nothing to quell the burning dread that had flooded her veins, tying her stomach in knots.

"I love you" He said, at last breaking the solum silence as he reached a shaking hand up to cup her check.  
"I love you." She tried to put everything she could not say into those words;I forgive you for leaving, you're perfect to me, come home, please please come home.

Tonks watched as Remus lent down over Teddy's cot, taking his tiny hands between his fingers, and her eyes burned. She would not let herself cry.

All too soon, the moment ended. Remus straightened himself up, dusting his robes and blinking away a tear furiously. He would not let himself cry. Then, with one final kiss to her forehead, he was gone and she was alone. And, with the swoosh of the floo, Teddy began to snivel.

"Hey hey, Teddy bear." she whispered as she picked the infant up and cradled him to her chest. "It's okay. He'll be back soon. And then all of this will be over, you'll see. He'll be back soon"

And if he wasn't? a voice said. If we lose this fight? She looked down at the child in her arms, silent once more. If they lost they would kill him. That was a guarantee. As the very antithesis of pureblood, what with a multitude of muggle relatives, disgraced Black family blood and a hint of werewolf, Bellatrix was bound to do everything in her power to kill her baby boy. The thought made her stomach clench and she clutched Teddy tighter. They'd find them, she was sure of it, and what was she doing to stop it? What was she doing to stop her son and husband going the same way as her father? Sitting still had never been her forte and in the passing months she had found she was nearly as restless and reckless as Sirius had been in the months before he died. Mad Eye had instilled in her the importance of action "Get to them before they get to you lass" he had barked, her father had taught her the value of taking a stand "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees" He had said before he left… left for good. As Remus had done.

The names of the dead grew exponentially every day and still here she sat, she thought bitterly. Here she sat until they came for her son. Until they took her family away from her.

She was on her feet before she had time to reconsider, leaning over Teddy's cot as she laid him back down. Her heart thumped a frenzied beat against her chest and she knew her mind was made up. She knew, perhaps always had, that this had to happen. For Teddy.

"I love you, Teddy. We love you more than anything in this world. You have to remember that, okay Teddy bear. I'm sorry" she kissed him gently on the forehead. "I'll see you later"

And, rounding her shoulders and steeling herself for the inevitable argument with her mother, Nymphadora Lupin left her son.


End file.
